Decisions, Decisions, Decisions ...

As you may be able to tell from my title, this entry is based on decisions...
You may ask - "what kind of topic is that" but it has some relevance.

In this world, I have been told repeatedly, that you have to be able to stand up for yourself and fight for what you want - make your own decisions.

I have also been told that I'm not a very decisive person. Let me add that my 'decisiveness' or should I say 'indecisiveness' is based on whether I feel like having ice cream or not, or what topping to have on my pizza. Yes, that is how my decisiveness is measured. As you can imagine it's really annoying.

Now, when I actually make a decision and I want something. I say it. It makes me feel awkward because I hate asking for things, but I do it because I'm bringing up something that I want. But does that make a difference?? ABSOLUTELY NOT. My dad says that I should make decisions, go for what I want, but as soon as I do, it's a "nope, you can't do that because I want you to do this".

It makes my blood boil because how the frick am I supposed to learn to make decisions for myself when my dad insists of taking control of EVERY FREAKING THING IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!!!!!

I hate it.

Moral of the story. They may be your parents but they can only take you under their wing for so long. `Over time you need to be able to go on your own. live your life the way you want it. I wish that my parents could see it from this point of view but I don't have that luxury. If you do, then savour it because while you may be wasting away your freedom, some people are dying to be released ...

Anyways ... that may be a down post, but I needed to get it off my chest.

Bye ... :|

An Update

So  just wanted to check in,,,
Currently revising for my chemistry exam.
Is it weird that I actually enjoy doing chemistry exams??? I mean i feel all science-y, It's awesome :O
I actually don't have anything to worry about... The first exam was better than I expected it to be. That's me alright, 'make a mountain out of a molehill'

Anyways, gotta go finish my last minute revision

Bye
:D

So I'm Kinda Freaking Out.... Exam time!!!!!!

I'm here, currently revising for something everyone is calling the largest exams in my life... Yes, grade 12 exams. Funnily enough, they said that about last year as well. :P Maybe they just can't make up their minds XD

Anyways, I am one of those students, who everyone knows will get good marks, but really, it's not as easy as it seems. I may sound like one of the bragging nerds who make fun of everyone else, but don't let my words fool you. Believe it or not, some of us do actually need to work hard on getting those high grades.

It's so annoying nowadays, where school isn't about learning, instead it's about getting 'good grades', pleasing the parents. At first I used to work hard because my parents were hella strict, like I thought they would literally disown me if I didn't get a good mark on this or that test. Overtime I learnt that they were just trying to help me out, reach my full potential. So if some of you in this time are feeling pressured by whoever, it just means that they're trying to show YOU that you can actually do better, that you have the capabilities to do great work. So take their vote of confidence.
Believe me, I know it's hard when you are feeling stressed and pressured, I used to go to bed in tears because of all the stress. I hated every single moment of it. But now, I've learnt to not do it for them. Now I get good grades because I want to, because I know I can. That should be everyones main goal during this time.

There's this guy in my class, who doesn't give a damn about studying. He is literally going to parties, staying up late talking to girls and just chilling.. I envy him sooooo much. I kinda wish that I could be like him - to relax a little during the stressful time. But at the same time I don't want to be like him, because when the time comes to test yourself you'll be underprepared. I want MY best to show nothing less, nothing more.

One thing that is aggravating is when my friends say that I'll be just fine and that I have nothing to worry about... Yes, I did just say that...
But it's in the context of when I talk about an exam. I'll say that I found it hard and then they'll be like "You'll get like 90%". I understand that they have faith in my abilities (more so than me apparently xD) but am I not entitled to an opinion? It feels as i I'm not allowed to speak when it comes to these sort of things because 'everything just comes naturally'. Like hell no! I have to work my butt off to get where I am. So i think I deserve an opinion when it comes to how I felt something.

Moving on...

To everyone who is in the same potion as me and taking tests whether they are A- Levels, SATs, some grade 11 tests (that I can't name, because I don't really know the name..), GOOD LUCK!!!!
I hope you achieve the grade you want!!!!

GOOD LUCK

Bye :D

First timer...

I just realised that my blog is fairly depressing xD
In the spirit of not wanting to sound like a suicidal person I am going share one of my new experiences :O

So I am in this situation where I have not really done anything in my teenage years. I don't know if there's anyone else out there like this but I know that there's me. I feel as if my life is so uneventful compared to my friends, who go traveling to different places, meet people, have dates, sneak out etc.
The whole date thing is kind of a no-no because #1 my parents are overprotective maniacs and #2 For dates, I would actually need a guy to be interested in me in the first place  xD

So I told my friend about my predicament and she gave me some pretty good advice. She said that I should do what I find fun in life - don't always be in your books, unless that's what you find fun. She told me to step out of my comfort zone and try new things. And I've been doing exactly that -

Yesterday, my family and I went to the beach. I know it doesn't sound THAT interesting but it gets better. As apart of my 'get out of my comfort zone' mission I told my parents that I wanted to go paragliding. And guess what... I DID!!! At first I was a little skeptical because that thing was hella expensive but my mum said to stop worrying about the money, so I went and tried it out.
I am soooooo glad that I did - It was beautiful. It was as if I was looking down into a little min town and I was this giant. Of course I was holding on for dear life but I wasn't scared - I guess I can scratch fear of heights off my list :P

Anyway, just wanted to share that with you... If you're reading this and you're in the same situation as me, then just know that I'm with ya man!! I know how you feel and it's ok because you are the one in control of your life. You are the one that can make it the best but only if you want. That's why I, a scarey cat, am telling you to take a chance and try something new - you may actually find that it's not as bad as you think...

Bye :D

The unspoken topic: Religion

People say that on a first date there are a few topics that should be avoided at all costs: previous relationships, politics and religion.

Well, I'm going into uncharted territory... I'm going to speak about religion :O

My family is Christian. Noticed how I said my family? And by some unknown reason that makes me Christian by association?

What really annoys me is that they never even considered what I believe and in truth I don't really think I can believe in the whole 'God' thing. I am extremely scientific. I need facts and figures. Some people can just accept - I can't. I need proof and this is where the whole 'religion' thing kinda breaks down for me.

I am forced into going to church and being a good Christian girl. And I think I have my parents fooled - I know just what to say. I think I have everyone fooled - even my friends. But it all really backfired because now I'm being made to do things that I don't understand and don't particularly want to do. 

I have tried to force myself into believing in the thing and there are times when I legitimately do believe but then something happens and I am brought back to reality. In a way it kinda sucks. My parents forcing me into this, in a way, pushed me away from it - it made me resent Christianity, no matter how good the values are ( a few, not all).
For example, in the Bible it says that homosexuality is bad but I have a friend who is gay and I feel no difference to them and if my religion was to break up that friendship I would probably dump the religion. But this thing has also put a wedge in my family life. I can't really tell my mum and share all the detail about my friends - I don't know how she'll react!

I guess I could just suck it up until I'm 18, when my parents can't tell me anything about how to control my life. That sounds like paradise compared to this

I know it may be a petty problem but it was really eating me up. Now that it's written down I can see the element of truth that I was attempting to hide.

Anyways... Hope you enjoyed my little rant XD
(I'll try to make my next blog entry a little more optimistic :P)

Bye :D

I'm such a downer!!! :P

I was looking through my entries (even if there are only a few), I found out that I am quite pessimistic and a real downer! I mean all of it is about feelings and being annoyed. If you knew me in real life you wouldn't think this was me xD

So here's a happy story that happened today...

Believe if or not, today I had some social interaction with my family. Yes the person who seems quite boring and antisocial can actually hold a conversation (who would have known). So we decided to go on a family outing - to the beach. At first I was pretty hesitant and then I remembered that I would try to get out of my antisocial nature Therefore today I chose to go out instead of curling up in my room with a good TV show or film! What are the odds?

So the drive to the beach takes a while because unfortunately the beaches in the city I live in may as well be in a tar pit... So on the way there we were talking about everything and anything. If you listened to our conversations you would either think that were are a bunch of nerds or we are the best group of friends there can be. That is how much intellectual things as well as sarcasm that is involved in our conversations. Anyways, we were driving and my mum brought up this event that I had almost forgot about. I can't believe I also forgot about it because I thought it was an awesome experience.

Here it goes...
So there's this beach hidden by mountains, so we had to hike up there. It was a very secluded beach - just the way I like it (all to myself). We were meeting friends and at first we were just having fun, playing in the water, running around, talking all of those things. Then a friend that has a boat came and picked us up to take us to another beach that was on an island. It was beautiful. We swam, had a BBQ and genuinely enjoyed ourselves. The best part was at the end when we were being dropped off back to our car. We took the boat to the coast of a nearby beach. The boat couldn't go all the way in - so we had to jump out and half swim, half walk to shore. The funny thing is my brother and my mother and I couldn't swim. So you can imagine our panic, which didn't include my mum's fear of the sea... Anyways we eventually had to put on some big boy pants and jump. And I did. And it was amazing. I was bobbing up and down, hoping that I wouldn't be swallowed by the waves, but I did it!! That was fun as hell! The funniest thing was that my mum said the people on the beach would think we were coming into the country illegally. The expressions on some of the people\s faces when we came onto the beach were priceless xD

I just wanted to share with you a little story that I hope I never forget because, well, it was one of the happier memories. Oh yeah, today's trip to the beach was pretty good too :D
Like I was saying, people end to focus on the bad things and they sometimes forget all the good that happens. I am guilty of doing exactly that. It's sometimes really annoying because I have a lot of good memories but one bad memory seems to top all of that, which really sucks.

My advice: stay positive lovelies <3

Anyways,
Bye :D

New Years

First of all I would like to wish everyone viewing this blog entry a very HAPPY NEW YEAR!! I hope whoever you are and where-ever you are that you have a successful and awesome year ahead!

Next it's down to the nitty gritty of the situation. As you may have read before I'm not the most rebellious of girls and I don't really get out much. For that, I feel pretty insecure. I know it sounds really childish writing it but it's the truth unfortunately.

This year I had the chance to go camping but my dad said no... Yeah don't ask me why but he will always find some sort of excuse even if it kills him. So as a result, for new years I spent it at home, watching TV and looking at all my friend's having the time of their lives. It really pisses me off because this is my life and I have nothing to show for it. My friend's are out there making memories and I am here sitting by myself blogging about how uneventful my life is. Believe me when I say it sucks. What's even worse is that my friends here, they're just friends, they're not people that I can just open up to, even if I have known them for a long time. Therefore, I feel better sharing my feelings online than I do them... What's up with that!? This also means that I can't really just show up at their house, it just never happens like that because everyone seems to have a life except me...

What was really coincidental (or not) is that I watched this show that I could totally relate this situation to, and in the end the girl steps out of her comfort zone and tries to be more involved. I wonder if the universe is giving me a sign, or I am just really good at picking shows that fit my situation! Either way, I wish I could just do that, but it's not that simple. If they are any people out there like me, they will know that getting out of your comfort zone, being more involved is hard. Especially when you're not exactly what people would describe you as fun. I mean the girl I call my best friend said in front of me that she would miss this other girl who's leaving because she's the only one that she can have a laughing fit with. I mean if that isn't proof enough about me being boring I don't know what is! :P

Another problem is my dad. I believe that all around the world there is this thing called an overprotective father. It's every teenagers worst nightmare. For those who have never encountered one they are strange creatures hell-bent on making sure that you are the most antisocial and boring person on the planet. Occasionally they create the best liars. (In my opinion I'm not that bad, not that good either, but not bad nonetheless). I think he is one of the reasons I don't have any fun - he doesn't let me do anything remotely dangerous. "You can't go out there, there's too many people", "Nope, people are crazy on that day". I mean I would try to sneak out, but I think I would have a better chance at hacking into the Pentagon :P. And yet, he keeps wondering why I have no 'real world' experience, and I'm just sitting there like -" are you serious???" -.-

Anyways, just wanted to rant... Yet again. If any of you feel the same way, just know that you're not alone. If you and I are the only person in the world like this (doubt it), just know that I'll have your back and be your boring-buddy (if you want :P). That's why this year, one of my resolutions is to try and be more outgoing and get out of my cocoon. Maybe you should too - go do something crazy, if you haven't already :D

Anyways,
Bye :D